So Far Going Great...(Touch Wood)..

Yes I am so surprised to be doing as well as I am doing after chemo this week. I had it on Wednesday but yesterday and today (Friday) I still feel on top of it! Amazing as the last chemo I had knocked me so hard I almost couldn't get up again. I was literally on the couch and not even finding any comfort in doing that because even laying there still and not doing a thing, I ached, I had that awful 'twitchy legs' you know when you can't scratch them and they feel all restless, it's hard to explain unless you've had it and then you know exactly what it is, I was nauseas, just really tough and yucky.

Anyway, since I got home from chemo on Wednesday late afternoon and nearly sat down in the hallway and cried (remember my last post), I have gotten pro-active. I thought to myself, 'well there's no point crying over what you haven't got, or what hasn't happened.' I kept thinking how nice it would have been if my sisters and my Nana had perhaps popped in through the day while I was at chemo and just perhaps done a little ironing or tidied up, even just a little bit, you know what I mean? However, that didn't happen and I am not going to let it get me down anymore. So on Thursday when I got up and felt surprisingly well, I went with it, I was careful not to overdo it though because I have done that before too and learned my lesson. I started with doing a really good vacuum through the home and just doing that made a huge difference. Then I de-cluttered, which made another enormous difference. I had scrapbook stuff out on my kitchen table, the entire table was covered in art and craft stuff that I kept leaving out thinking I was going to be inspired to use it. Looking at a big mess like inspires nothing but depression LOL! So, I tidied it all away into a cabinet that I use for it at the moment. I also have visions of removing it all back out to my 'shed/studio', I set up my outdoor shed a long time ago, there is a blog post on it somewhere, I never know how people link back to their old posts (if someone wants to tell me I would be grateful) but somehow ended up bringing it all inside. I think it was when Jamie wasn't staying with me and I didn't like being way down in the back garden at night when Jack was in the house alone sleeping. Just in case I didn't hear him so I ended up back in the house with all the clutter. Anyway, it is gradually going back out to the 'Studio' which I am really happy about because I had it set up beautifully and as soon as you walked in there, you were greeted with such a sense of peace and calm. I loved being out there working on cards and pages and mini books etc.

Also got some more planting done, so I am feeling really great about that. My dear friend Lee came over last night and told me I had inspired her to get into vegetable growing too, so she got a hot house/green house (birthday present from her husband, her birthday is on Saturday), she got a compost bin, she went to a beautiful place we have on the Peninsula down here called 'Heronswood' where they grow the old fashioned seed that hasn't been hybridized (sp?), meaning they will grow true to form for many years to come rather than having to replace seed each year which is what a large part of the garden industry has had us doing to make more money for them. Anyway 'Heronswood' is magnificent gardens all grown organically, and environmentally friendly, they have a cafe where they use the garden produce in their cooking, they have a gorgeous original heritage house on the property where you take a tour, they have gardening expo's all sorts of wonderful things, so she went there and picked up all sorts of gorgeous, produce to grow in her own beautiful vegetable garden! I am so proud of her, it gives a special kind of pleasure growing your own veggie and now with the prices being what they are, it is worth it. Anyway, she and I will be able to swap what we grow, which is wonderful.

Anyway, suffice to say I have been rather productive and so very grateful because I really didn't expect to be after all that chemo so it is just a lovely bonus. Not to say it wont get me down in the next day or so, chemo can be like that but at least I have had a head start on getting things done and my home feels almost nice again! I have also been up earlier than both my boys and managed to cook them hot breakfasts and hot chocolates and yummy lunches for the day so I felt really great about that too.

I have had so much feedback from all of you regarding possibly moving to Warragul closer to Jacks Father. I think almost all of you agree that is a good idea and wonderful for Jack. You all agree with it as long as I can get the help I need. I think I can, I met for the first time with a 'support person' as he likes to call himself, he is actually a psychologist from Hospice who wanted to meet with me and see whether I would like to work with him, he is offering an ear and to help me with decision making, etc. I really liked him and he is checking out all about the Hospice and Palliative Care team up that way and also the chemo set up at the local Hospital up there, which is quite a large Hospital I believe and he says he thinks they have a good chemo set up. Anyway, it is nice of him to do this and will just help me to feel a bit better about knowing what is available to me. I know Jack will be thr illed to be near his Daddy and it will be so much easier for him in the end when it is time for me to leave him but I need to be taken care of too or it won't work out. I do know that seeing him thrive will help me endlessly and with David helping with Jack that will lighten my load considerably as well as give Jack and David much needed bonding time again. I have yet to speak to David about this so that is the next step in the plan and a fairly important one I suppose! Once I have done that, and I truly do expect him to be on board with it - I will consider it a done deal, it is just a matter of when to move. Of course there is also the little matter of whether I am applicable for that huge surgery that I mentioned in one of my previous posts (gosh I have to learn how to link back), if I do end up having and taking that option then I will probably need to stay down here until I am completely recovered as it is based in Melbourne and I will need Mum in terms of Rehab etc. Anyway, mostly I want to thank you all for taking the time to consider this for me and then getting back to me on it with such very valid thoughts and questions and opinions and most of all love and care for me. Honestly, you are the most beautiful bunch of people you could ever wish to know, I love you all and honestly don't know what I would do without your cheerful emails and comments, they fill my day with smiles and happiness really they do. I just wish I could get back to you all individually more often, I try I really do but sometimes there are just so many and I know you all wouldn't want me missing out on spending time with Jack or doing anything that could help us keep on top over here, so I try to stay as balanced as possible. I do get back to quite a few of you, so if I haven't gotten back to you yet, hang in there because I definitely will, I am just not sure when. I still need and notice every single comment and email though and I keep all the emails. Jack may want them one day, I can print them out into a book or onto a disk for him to keep and see how wonderful you all were to me and him as well. So truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Best I get off this computer for now and go and wake my boys for their breakfasts and help them get off to a great day, these are things I love doing because when I am not well, I can't do that sort of thing in the morning, so I love to do it now and I love how we all leave the house so cheerful and warmed by being home together for that couple of hours in the morning. Starting off our day filled with not only a warm brekky but warmed by love of each other too! Good Stuff, I tell ya...Love to you all, and take care of yourselves and each other.

Things I am Grateful For Today:

Being up and able to cook breakfast for my boys.

Being well enough to potter around my home and take care of it and make it a nurturing space.

Having you all to talk to first thing in the morning.

My dear friend Lee for popping in to see me every week regardless of what she has on.

My dear friend Lee for wanting to take Jack and I out every second weekend to help us have quality time and build up memories.

A roof over our heads, food in the cupboards, warm coats when it's cold.

The lovely possibility of us soon getting a dog, perhaps a puppy or perhaps an older dog that no one wants. Soon I think, very soon, we all have a longing for a dog to lavish our affection on, they give you back so much in return. It has taken my a while to get over the loss of my cat but I am ready, my heart is ready to give love to another animal and to receive it too. xxx

I also want to shout out to Cathy Bennett, Cathy thank you so much for your lovely supportive emails to me lately, you have been a source of strength and hope and made such a difference to my days, so thank you my darling.

Also, Beth, the 'superhero' necklace, I just adore it, I am wearing it now, in fact I haven't taken it off since I got it. What a thoughtful gesture that was, I thank you so very much, it really means so much to me and it is something tangible from this blogging world, just makes it even more lovely. I am so blessed to have you as a friend, thank you my dear, so very much. Love and Hugs to you. xxx You can read Beths beautiful blog at www.moredoors.blogspot.com.

I have to take quite a few photos soon, I have promised a photo of me wearing the gorgeous pajamas Bella sent to me, so I must get that done soon, I would also like to take some of me wearing the sweet hats and scarf that Meg made me, the necklace from Beth, oooh I hope I haven't forgotten anything. Anyway, I will get onto it, I am not in the best mood for taking photos of myself actually because I am so puffy and bloated from all the pain medications and chemo drugs. I know I am too because Lee and my Mum who will be honest, tell me my face is huge and puffy, it is unfortunate but there is not room for vanity here anyway as I am keeping it real. If I can post a shot of me wearing my 'bag' I can certainly allow you to see the affects of pain medications and chemo, although I still have my hair, so far so good. It is coming out but very slowly at the moment, I have such a lot of hair so I think it may take a while. Anyway, I will get on with it soon and post them for you.

Oh I know who else I wanted to thank, Sarah Wendt, thank you so much for your caring email. I was so touched that you put in the time to think about Jack and I so much and so kindly. You really put your heart and thoughts on the line and I totally agree with you in every area you touched on. Thank you my friend, much appreciated.

Okay, I am pretty sure that is it for this time, if I have missed anyone I will post on it next time. This has ended up being a pretty long and probably very boring post, I am sorry to those of you who are still here reading on loyally. I must have the chats this morning. Okay off I go, really this time. Love to you all again. xxx

I'm Home and Okay...

Yes thank you all so much for your good wishes and prayers. I am always a little nervous and uptight on chemo days but it went okay, although I had a nurse that wasn't too sure of her job and kept me there hours longer than I should have been, so I wasn't thrilled about that, it's not the kind of place you want to just hang out in any longer than you have to. Never mind, I finally got done and home. I walked in to a messy house, I hadn't done the breakfast dishes or made beds and there were toys everywhere and OMG on the list goes. I nearly sat down in the hall way and cried. Instead I took a deep breath and got up and started cleaning, running round the house putting away as much as I possibly could. I was dripping with sweat, (a side affect of cancer) but I got a heap done. Mum popped in after work to see whether I wanted a hand with dinner and I just looked at her and said "I don't even kno
w what to do for dinner tonight" she saw a whole lot of sausage rolls on the bench and said "would they eat those?" I was a little annoyed to say the least, "No, they need a proper meal, they've got school tomorrow" anyway, I started pulling things out of the fridge and she must have felt a bit bad and ended up helping and actually cooking the dinner and even did the dishes when we were finished. She did point out that I looked very grumpy and I guess I did. You know I suppose I had that 15 minutes of self pity when I walked in the house and saw it like it was, I just thought gosh wouldn't it be nice if someone had helped me out today when I had chemo, instead I have to come home and do it all, (except dinner) which I very nearly did myself anyway. So I am just being sulky and childish and I snapped myself out of it as quickly as I could. I just felt a bit overwhelmed.

Anyway all is well now, Jack is bathed and we have all eaten dinner, Jack is having a quick game before bed and a good sleep, Jamie is watching something in his room and I am having a cup of tea whilst I do a quick catch up post to you guys. Oh also something lovely happened to me today, I got the mail and in it was a beautiful present and card from the beautiful Beth of More Doors Blog, she won a Superhero Designs necklace by Andrea in the Ebay competition and she gifted it to me instead, saying this:

"Jen...because you are my superhero I wanted you to have this. I won this in the ebay auction that was held for you, with no intention of keeping it for myself. You are the superhero to many...especially your blog readers, and I hope this will make you smile today and many more days to come!! My continued hugs and prayers to you my friend Love Beth." I hope she doesn't mind me sharing her sweet words here with you on the blog, please forgive me Beth, it was just so beautiful, I had to."

Isn't that the sweetest thing? I am truly touched Beth and I LOVE the necklace so much, thank you, thank you , thank you. Just a lovely, kind, thoughtful thing to do. It really helped me get into a nicer frame of mind and to feel less stressed. Honestly I have the best blogger friends anywhere! I have other gifts too that I must share with you in the next day or so, including some books, some poetry, etc, etc. More soon, take good care of yourselves and each other and thank you again for all your prayers and thoughts, I appreciate each and every one.

Wish Me Luck...

Hi my beautiful blogger friends, thank you so much for all your support re me moving close to David. I have a longer post coming on that but for now, just a very quick one, I am off to chemotherapy in about 20 minutes, so wish me luck, I didn't get to go yesterday as my pain was so bad, it's not great today either but as hard as it is I have to get there to get this monster shrunk. So I will get there today, come hell or high water. Pray for me that the treatment is working really well. Thank you all so much. Take good care, more soon.

I Could Use An Opinion On This...

Hi my friends, yes I really could do with some advice, some thoughts, some opinions regarding what I'm about to tell you that happened last night, but in reality has been happening for some time. As most of you would know from my previous posts Jack had gone to his Dad's for the weekend. He left Friday night instead of Saturday morning when he usually goes, so it was an extra night. Anyway all was well until I got a phone call around 7.30pm (ish), it was Jack just wanting a chat, he had been playing a Playstation game with his Dad and wanted to tell me everything about it - and I mean everything lol. I had also asked during the course of the conversation about whether he was up for another night at Dad's place and he was quite sure that he was. To me he sounded unnatural, he sounded too hyped up, just not his real, true self if you know what I mean. Anyway long story shortened (somewhat anyway) is that Jack decided he didn't want to stay the extra night with David. He told me that he missed me too much and really needed to come home. I did let him know that he would be okay and that he and Dad had some nice plans for the next day, was he sure, etc, etc. Yes he was absolutely sure, he just missed me too much and didn't want to stay, so Dave brought him home. We stayed up together for a while, Jack and I and had some talks about things and then he started sobbing and sobbing, telling me that he didn't know why daddy and I had to be separated and live separately because he hates it and when he's with one he misses the other and vice versa. He kept saying that he wanted us all to be a family and how it wasn't fair, other families all lived together and why did we have to be like this, he actually said "this shouldn't have happened to the Ballantyne's". Oh my God, it was terrible, he was just heartbroken. I started crying too, I just couldn't help it this time, I felt so helpless, so incredibly sad that I couldn't fix it for him and I couldn't protect him from stuff like this in the world, I felt so sad that he had to feel these feelings at only 6 years old. It was apparent how much thought he has given this in the past. Not only does this boy have to deal with having a sick Mum since he was roughly 2 years old but he also has to deal with a Dad that lives an hour and a half away and isn't readily available to Jack because of that and then when he is up there he feels as though he is miles away from me which bothers him, he worries about me I guess or he is just a little boy who still needs his mama.

Anyway thoughts were racing through my mind as I was trying to think how I could resolve this and make it easier on Jack. I knew that there was no way David would come down here to live because we have already had that discussion and it didn't go well, he wouldn't budge and I was furious, anyway I won't go into all the ugly details here but I know that he will not come and live closer to Jack. So I got to thinking, maybe I should go and live closer to Dave! I mean I am unwell a lot of the time, it would be really helpful to have David just around the corner to pick up the slack with Jack, also if I don't have very long to go, and let's face it they say I don't- even if I look at the good case scenario, then surely it would be easier on Jack to be already up that way, very familiar to his Dad's home and at the local school etc. David will be taking Jack back up there when I am no longer here anyway, it might be a lot better for Jack had I been living up there with him for a while first.

Part of my plan would incorporate getting those two bonding very closely. Making sure we were at each others homes a lot, sharing meals, getting David to handle a lot of Jacks school stuff, he could drop him off in the mornings and pick him up in the afternoons (Dave is a school teacher you see so he would have similar hours to Jack).

As for me well, I guess they would have a Hospice program up there and a hospital and a chemo ward etc, I will look into all of that before I do anything, also Dave's mum, Avon, is really kind and helpful and she would call in with a casserole or cake or offering a hand that's just the way she is so that could be a bit helpful and as for the rest well I guess I will be lonely and homesick but in another way, Jack's happiness will be mine, mainly because I am on a limited amount of time.

So what do you think my friends, any words of wisdom for me, any cautionary thoughts, anything at all on this for me, I would be most interested to know. All I do know for sure is that I am very confused, very tired of being ill, I don't want to see and hear Jack like that ever again. I forgot to tell you the part where he thought I couldn't hear him, I wasn't in the room but I had come down the hallway and he hadn't heard me and he was crying softly to himself and saying things like, 'it's just horrible, it hurts so much, I just can't stand it, why, why oh why' and on it went, it was heart wrenching. I just grabbed him and held him and cried with him and told him that no it was not fair, and yes it did hurt so much and it shouldn't be the way it is and I hated it too. It was all I could do. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Things I'm Grateful For Today:

I am grateful my Mum dropped by and did some shopping for me and cooked dinner tonight as I was just exhausted.

I am grateful that David brought my son home instead of letting him stay up there miserable.

I am grateful for the delicious meal we had this evening.

The Simple Joys...

Look at these gorgeous babies! All ready to be planted into pots for my vegetable garden on the porch. I have used organic gardening soil, organic compost and organic mulch, some 'Seasol' and we are ready to plant. Every year I have had a gorgeous display of vegies mixed with beautiful colored flowers on my porch and everything grew there in abundance. My front porch gets all the sun, all day so everything that loves sun, ie, all vegetables, does very well there. I have a mix of smaller pots and massive, gigantic pots that I can plant an entire climbing bean plant crop. Not last season but the one before we have the most beautiful crop of beans, every night Jack was going out to the porch and picking beans for our dinner. Anyway, I haven't had anything growing on the porch for at least 12 months now and it is because of how sick I have been largely, also the drought hasn't helped as the thought of the extra work I would have had to have done just to get them watered was too much for me.

Anyway, these ones are certainly not going to be too much effort for me, I plan to have my porch looking lush and full of healthy and also pretty flowers and homegrown, organic vegies. People do get such a surprise when they see a pot that looks really pretty, they'll comment on it and go over to inspect it closer, always asking what it is you have planted and when you tell them oh some dill (herb that looks feathery with yellow flowers), some capsicums and some pansies, they get such a shock that vegies can look so pretty but they can and they do. So it is a lot of fun making them look pretty and then more fun when you can harvest your own home grown vegies. Jack loves going out to pick them as you can imagine, sometimes I wonder how many are actually going into my basket.

Sharing the Love...

Hi there, I know it's been a while and I haven't even been in Hospice so I don't have a really great excuse! It's just been a busy week trying to get things organized. Unfortunately, I felt like every time I tried to get something done something stopped me, or got in the way, the day just flew by so fast and before I would know it, afternoon would be turning to evening and then night would fall and I still needed to get all the things done that I'd promised myself I would do! I know part of the problem of time for me is the medication I'm on. It is taking it's toll I'm afraid. It's never been a 'nice' medicine to be on but when you have a cancer like mine and cancer pain like mine you can't afford to be on the more harmless medications. This one is particularly brutal when you've been on it for a while as I have. Some of the side affects are, sleeplessness, hallucinations, nausea, problems with teeth particularly with the enamel surface, losing sense of time, falling asleep suddenly whenever and wherever, forgetfulness - you can literally lose track of time and space, strong cravings- like sweet things, coffee, whatever, it can be anything, a bit like when you're pregnant, I even craved pickles the other night and ate an entire jar of them. There are also many other symptoms that are less dramatic but I wont go into those right now. Anyway, in spite of all the nasty side affects, I can't go the medication as the pain is still too great. I have, of course, discussed all of this with my Pain Specialist and he believes I must stay on it at least for a while longer anyway. Well the hallucination part at least, I hadn't had to deal with until a couple nights ago that is! I am almost embarrassed to tell you what I did but here goes. I was up quite late about 3 or 4am and I couldn't sleep so thought I would just make myself a cup of coffee. That was fine, I was over at the bench putting coffee in my cup and sugar, poring the boiling water in and so far so good, it was only after I finished putting the water in that my brain kind of went a bit strange, I looked down at my coffee, which I always take black, thought to myself, oh Jen, Lee takes milk in her coffee you duffer, swung around and went to the fridge, grabbed the milk, poured it into the coffee, stirred it in, carried it over to the kitchen table and set it down for Lee. Then I snapped out of it, looked down at this coffee and actually got the giggles as I realized that Lee wasn't here and hadn't even been here at all since a few nights previously. Anyway that was it, I was fine again with moments but definitely left feeling a little foolish and also a bit shaken. I waited till morning and phoned my Pain Specialist and told him about it, he laughed and told me I was mad but we all knew that anyway! Ha ha, ha, not funny, I said. Anyway he said it was nothing to worry about it, classic symptoms of the medication I have been on , this is what happens after a while, same with the sleeping problems and there is nothing I can do about it.

So there you have it, kind of worrying although as my Doctor said, quite harmless! I was thinking if I have to hallucinate it could be something really fun, like going to a beautiful river, or waterfall or something, maybe a bit of a holiday in Hawaii! lol!

Okay, on a different not for a moment, I wanted to share with you this gorgeous card I received in the mail yesterday from one of my blogger friends, Lin in England, I just thought what it said was particularly lovely so why not share it? Here goes:

I SEND YOU
A bowl of ripe fruit that stays that way until you're ready to eat it.
I send you a flannel nightgown that brushes the floor, and a paintbrush that whispers to you what to paint...

I send you a path in the woods that leads
to a gate, which leads to the sea,

then a carpet of moss and a tea party all set up! You're the first guest to arrive.

I send you visions of ladders
to the new places in your soul,
and slides that lead out of the negative slots. I send you knowledge
of your resilience and fortitude

I SEND YOU A DEEP BREATH.
The end.

Isn't that just gorgeous, I adored it as soon as I read it, so whimsical. Thank you so much Lin, if you are reading this, it was just gorgeous. Also as I opened it, a whole lot of tiny glittery flowers fell out of the card which I loved, they were just so very pretty. Anyway, it made my day my sweetheart and I appreciate it very much.

Now, what else? I feel as though I have so much to share with you but can't think just now what it may be about. I think I will sign off here and come back again sometime today with more. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Things I'm Grateful For Today...

I have the house to myself for the weekend and although I will miss Jack it will do me good to have some 'me' time.

It is raining and we really need it, so that is wonderful...

I have just started a wonderful vegetable garden on my porch, which captures all the sun and Jack and I planted it out (not quite finished) and we had such fun.

My friend Lee, my Mum, my blogger friends and other friends too, everyone that cares about me and gives me a hand during this rough time...

I had a couple of days out of the past week where I wasn't too bad and I was able to get out of the house under my own steam and do my own shopping, buy Jack a couple of fun things and choose them with him, such fun...

What are you grateful for today?

Symptoms of Colon Cancer...

Yes, it is important that I share with you the symptoms of colon cancer. Now if you have a couple of the symptoms don't panic because most of them can be caused by things other than cancer. It is best to get regular screenings rather than rely on symptoms to alert you to the presence of a tumor. This is because colon cancer can grow for years before causing any symptoms. But, knowing what to look out for can't hurt. The sensible thing to do, is not to panic at all, phone your doctor and make an appointment, tell your doctor what symptoms you have and then leave it to your doctor to organize appropriate tests for you. If your doctor doesn't seem efficient in regards to testing you, be very firm and assertive and tell him that you would really appreciate having the tests done as you are quite concerned. Don't be bullied into not having tests, or talked out of it by being told what you want to hear. A lot of Doctors were trained a long time ago and they were taught that colon cancer really only presented in men over 50 years of age. NOT TRUE ANYMORE. Colon cancer, bowel cancer, rectal cancer, are all becoming more common in the Western World so it is something you need to keep in mind, it is also presenting in younger and younger people. Put it this way, I was around 33-34 when diagnosed and there are people presenting with it younger than I am and they are women.

By the way, if any doctor tells you that you should have regular screenings starting at age 50 then be alarmed and perhaps find a new doctor. The fact that I was only 33 when I got diagnosed proves that it can be found in people much younger than 50. It also used to be primarily men that got colorectal cancer, now it seems more and more women are being diagnosed with it. It really is a terrible form of cancer, it can develop from having pollops in the bowel, which are very common, however, if they are found early enough it is just a matter of scraping them and then coming back every year or so to check up and perhaps have the same procedure done. Unfortunately mine didn't get found for at least 12 months from the time symptoms were present because no-one believed that a woman my age could have that kind of cancer. In fact one of my doctors said to me and I quote "it will be a thousand other things before cancer." That's the trouble, the symptoms can be related to many other things and so if you present and you don't fit the neat little description medical practitioners have of what they thought was a 'typical' bowel cancer patient, then you get tested for everything but what you need testing for which is the one that can kill you, the one that is killing me (or trying it's darndest) as I type this to you. There isn't any point in my getting angry about it anymore because there is nothing I can do about the fact that they wasted one year of my life (giving an aggressive tumor 12 extra months to do its damage) not even bothering to do a colonoscopy just in case. I have been very angry at different stages don't get me wrong but you know what, it can't give me my life back, it can't give Jack back a Mother, it can't replace the years of hurt and pain and fear and surgery and chemo and radiation and not being well enough to take my baby to the park, I could go on and on but there is absolutely no use, it won't change a thing. What I can do is try and alert other people so perhaps someone else won't have to go through something as horrific as this has been for me. I really hope it does alert even just one person who may have been having some of these symptoms, if someone else can find it early then I will feel somewhat vindicated. Not completely, never that, but somewhat. The, I guess you'd say, ironic thing is, that if it's found early enough bowel cancer is quite easy to treat and you have a fantastic chance of survival.

Now, I think what I may do is just give you the link to a medical site where all the information you could possibly need is already set out for you, with great links and I think even some photographs for those of you that are not faint of heart. Here is the link:
http://coloncancer.about.com/od/cancerprevention/a/Cancer_Symptoms.htm.

There, I think this is the best way then you know that it is coming from professional sources and not just some woman (me) that has had symptoms that may or may not be the same as yours (if you have them of course and I hope you don't). I am still more than happy to discuss with anyone my thoughts and findings if they feel they would like to actually 'talk' to someone real who has had symptoms and even had them overlooked. As I said earlier in this post, please do not hesitate to email me or post in the comment section if you would like more information or to discuss it further with me.

Take care of yourselves and each other. (I think I may start my 'things I'm grateful for today' section at the end of each post again. I kind of just forgot about it with all the commotion of Hospice and the pain and I guess maybe I was forgetting to even be grateful at that point in time. So, on that note...

Things I am Grateful For Today..

I am still alive to be with my sons.

I have the most wonderful nurse in the world coming to see me this morning and I really, really need to talk to her.

I am able to be at home with my boys lately.

I have the best blog readers and Internet friends in the world. I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboard, heat, water and medical attention.