How Did I Get Here???

Well what a journey it has been! I look back at the things I've gone through that I really would not have believed I could without going insane. Somehow though, I am still in one piece. I guess the biggest thing was having Jack move to Warragul to live with his dad. I am so lucky that he was able to do so because I simply couldn't take care of him anymore and he was getting frustrated and let down all to often but it was still a gut wrenching experience. I didn't know what to expect in terms of how Jack would cope but I was so very happy and comforted when he settled in so well. David has been wonderful and really supported Jack through his transition to a new school. He loves Jack so much and takes such good care of him so Jack has managed so very well and is happy in himself. He now gets to do so much more, they play basketball after school and tennis and the past few nights Jack has been helping mow the lawn at the little farm they live at. Davids parents are also very supportive of both Dave and Jack, Dave knows he only has to pick up the phone and they can go and have a home cooked meal which is a blessing as Dave is still working and is a sole parent. They also help out with picking Jack up after school some nights and things like that, so I feel so very lucky and so comforted knowing that my little boy is in such good hands, even so, it has been hard for me and I have shed many tears of despair but somehow I bounce back and that is largely due to David as well, as he brings Jack to me every single weekend from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. This has been just so good for Jack and I, it really helps to know that we just get through the busy school week and then we are together again. So very precious and I am just so grateful to David for being so wonderful to us both, it's a lot when he works all week and then has to pack everything up and come down but he doesn't complain and just keeps it all together somehow. Thank God for Lee also, she has really been such a rock and is there for Dave if he needs a break. She will happily give up her time to either stay with Jack and I so Dave can go have some time out or she will take Jack for a while and spend real quality time with him. She just does whatever is needed, even just picking up or dropping off, some groceries here or there and also visits me at least twice a week, she is a wonderful friend and I am so blessed to have her in my life.

I think the best way to fill you all in on what has been happening is to do it over several posts. I'll just sort of continue on with each new post otherwise it will be one massive big post and it will take me ages to get it out to you so we will just do installments and this is installment one, so I will post this as is and then continue on in the next post. Thank you so, so much for your continued love and support it really means so much and I am so happy to be able to 'talk' to you again, much love back soon - Jen xx

I Am Back On The Air...

Hello my dear, dear, friends! I am so excited because I have finally set up a laptop and internet connection here at hospice so I can keep in touch with all of you! I will keep this post very short, I just wanted to let you know I was here and able to read your dear comments which is why this post is going to be short, I just want to go and read the comments I haven't seen yet. I know Dave has kept you informed which is so good of him but I haven't had the chance to read his posts or the comments so I will go and do that now and then I will post again very soon with all the news. So very good to be back, much love to you all.

Stormy times

Hi All,

David again. Although it is possible you might get a post from Jen soon as her sister has organised a laptop and internet access for her at hospice, so if she is up to it she will do one herself. However, if not, she will at least be able to easily read your comments so keep them coming.

The stormy times heading is regarding both the periodic pain Jenni has had and the incredible storms we have been having here. Friday night as I took Jen back to hospice she was going into pain again so I stayed with her for a couple of hours and as she had some relief from it around midnight we had a huge storm with lightning, thunder and heavy rain. We both love storms, so I opened her curtain and the door of her room that goes outside and we watched for a while, rapt by the show. I put on a silly little dance in the rain for her for a few seconds which she laughed at but it was a beautiful, wild storm to watch.

Jen has had a mixed week. It started out pretty ordinary but she had 2-3 fairly pain free days wednesday to friday. However, friday night was a bad one for pain for her and she was too exhausted today to come home so Jack and I spent a few hours with her before she needed a sleep. Then Jen's friend Lee had Jack for a few hours so I could relax for a bit. She's a gem.

It has been a mixed week all round really. Jack had a bit of a virus/cold last weekend and we had monday off school and now I think he may have shared with me, so we have to be a little careful about seeing Jenni. Think we were both just a little rundown. Having said that, Jack is still doing really well at school and enjoying it. Jaimie is also doing really well and loving the freedom that having a licence and car bring.

Jenni is going to try to make it to Jack's school concert on thursday night but it's only really a faint possibility. But here's hoping. He's been showing her the song and dance routine his class is going to do and last night we brought down his new check shirt he's going to wear on the night and he looks so grown up all dressed up. I will have to ask Jen how to put pics up here for you as I have taken a few of Jack and Jenni at various times in the past couple of months.

Anyway, off to bed here. We are hoping Jenni has a good night tonight so she and Jack can spend some quality time together tomorrow.

Take care everyone. Am contemplating whether I keep Jenni's blog going afterwards or post a link to one I started to keep those interested in how Jack and Jamie are going in the future. I sort of feel that this one is Jenni's and I should leave it but then it might be easier for people to access this one. Dunno. Your thoughts?

Thanks again for all your wishes and prayers.

David.

The seesaw continues

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick note as I'm heading to bed. Not long back from hospice talking Jenni back after she spent the afternoon here at her home. She had a wonderful time with Jamie and Jack but went into pain as we were about to head back. She has had a tough week with bad pain most evenings/nights and at some other random times apparently. She wanted me to stay with her until it passed and it took nearly three hours and they had to knock her out in the end. Please keep your thoughts, prayers and wishes for pain free time for Jenni coming as she really needs them now. When the pain comes it is just relentless for her.

Added to this is a new emotional pain for us both as it seems that Jack has convinced himself that Mum is going to get better. We will have to go through the "chat" again with him. A tough conversation that one but necessary, especially as time appears to be running out.

Will end it here, am just stuck for words at the moment. Life is just not fair sometimes.

Take care,

David.

A little normality

Hi everyone,

Just a quick note. Jenni has improved quite a bit since the infection was controlled, however there is still just gradual deterioration. She came home Friday evening for dinner and then again on Saturday for the afternoon and evening but went back to hospice in a bit of pain unfortunately. Jenni's sister, Caz, looked after Jack and read to him while I took Jenni back to hospice, which was a help as Jamie was away at his Dad's. It took a little while for them to sort it out before she could sleep and she probably shouldn't have come home again on Sunday as she was exhausted but she likes to be there. Anyway, it was only for a few hours before Jack and I had to come home to Warragul. She seems in slightly better spirits at the moment, which is good.

Some good news! Jack is loving school and life generally. He's growing, making friends, loving swimming lessons and generally growing up. Jamie got his car licence on Friday and after some initial nerves about driving alone, you couldn't have dragged him out of his car on Sunday!

Jenni was going to try to post herself on the weekend while she was home but time and energy just ran out. She says "Hi" to everyone and thanks for the thoughts, wishes and prayers.

Enough for now, better get back to work.

David.

A little numb

Hi all,

David here again. Just got off the phone from talking to Lee re the weekend. She is going to look after Jack saturday afternoon so I can play cricket so I thought it was about the arrangements for that. However, it seems that Jenni has deteriorated quite a bit this week. Apparently the doctors are unsure whether the problem is the cancer spreading (perhaps up through the lymph nodes to her brain) or she is suffering from an infection which they are unsure they can control. It seems from what the nurses are saying to Lee that worst case scenario could be days, best case could be weeks. Keep in mind however, that I am only getting this information third hand and I wont really know too much until after the weekend. Even though we all knew this would be coming sooner or later, it just seems to have caught us out a little and I'd be lying if I said I was anything other than lost as to how to talk to Jack about it over the coming days and weeks as it unfolds. No matter how prepared you are and what reading you have done it feels like it all amounts to nothing. He has had a great first week back at school. Found some more new friends and re-established last terms friends; we had a note home from the teacher telling me how well he had started the term and how well he was doing; he started swimming lessons tonight and loved it and just seems to be blossoming at the moment. I just hope it doesn't undo all the good things that are happening for him at the moment.

Anyway, enough for now. Lets hope Jenni is not in pain no matter how this goes and that she at least gets to spend another quality time with Jack and Jamie this weekend. And who knows, it may be an infection that they get under control in a day or two.

Thanks for all your prayers and wishes after the last post.

Take care,

David.

Just testing.

Hi everyone,

David here. Just testing the username and password Jenni sent me a couple of weeks ago. Seems it works so people wont have to check the comments section for updates if I can remember where I put these!

Was talking to Lee on the phone and she said that Jenni is getting very weak, she is struggling to use the walker to go about 15 metres down the passage at hospice to get a coffee. I felt she was losing strength last week when Jack and I were there. The steps at home (three of them) are way beyond her ability without help and she is leaning more and more on me as I help her up and down them. Jack and I have been away at Seaspray (a coastal village) for a few days and are heading back to stay at Jenni's place tomorrow for a couple of nights before school/work starts again on monday. We will be either visiting Jenni in hospice each day or taking her home for a few hours each day. She has had a pick line put in for pain medication which apparently means she can't self medicate when she has breakthrough pain. The nurses have to do it at hospice so she also has to sleep there every night too. I gather from Lee that she is sleeping a lot and is often very tired.

Sorry but this is just second hand news as I haven't been down at Frankston since saturday morning. Will post again when I know more. Please keep the prayers and thoughts positive for her comfort, both physically and emotionally as I know from being with her last week Jenni is really struggling emotionally.

Regards,

David.